On Work As Practise - Katannuta & Satyagandhi

ON WORKING TO TRANSFORM
DIFFICULTIES & CONFLICTS

Both Katannuta and Satyagandhi used to work in our Accounts department. When Satyagandhi arrived, it was Katannuta's job to train her, this unexpectedly proved fraught with difficulties and conflicts, which somehow they needed to find a way of resolving. The following dialogue gives you an idea of the stages through which this process unfolded.

K - 'When Satyagandhi arrived I'd already been working in a large team and my job now was to train her. I had strong ideas about how this "ought" to be, but I didn't find it easy. I was both training her in the task but also being her buddy in a more general supportive role. We had to work very closely together because it was a complicated job and involved poring over the same bits of paper, using the same computer, discussing how things could be done. I was very exacting and clear in my teaching manner and kept giving the same instructions again and again'

S - 'My ego resented the fact that she thought I didn't know what I was doing after she'd told me the first time,(laughs) when we talked about what was happening we realised there was a clash of egos. We were both very opinionated, and we mirrored each other in this. What we saw in the other person were aspects of ourselves that probably weren't the most skillful aspects. once we recognised that we could deal with it.'

K - 'Despite our opinionatedness we actually got on very well, we were affectionate and cared  about each other a lot, yet there was this funny kind of rub.....  They were rather petty things we'd argue about but at the same time we tried hard to develop a friendship. We'd meet up for lunches and spend time together outside work; we even went away together for a weekend..... After a while, we realised that the issues were in reality more about the process of our communication. For instance, there was a way in which I'd say things which would lead Satyaghandhi into thinking I was telling her what she "ought" to think, even what she was thinking or feeling.'

S - 'I don't think we ever went home at the end of the day without dealing with such an issue. We might have an hour or two cooling-off-period, but Katannuta was particularly good at knowing when we needed to carry on talking....and when we needed to stop and come back to it later'

K - 'Yes, I'd say"We're having other argument, biff-baff-biff-baff, and it feels horrible!"

S - 'Whereas I'd say, "No, we're just having a discussion!" (mutual laughter) 'It was helpful to me to become more sensitive about when there is more going on for me and it's not just a friendly discussion any more. There's a pushiness that comes in, a desire to really push my point home in a way that's not very caring towards the other person.  So I came to learn to recognise that more'

K - 'After a couple of months Satyagandhi knew the ropes of the job and I had to do a lot of letting go so that she could just get on with it, for instance decide her own colour coding rather than follow mine. I didn't find that very easy, I have been called by my friends a control freak, so it really wasn't easy'

S - 'I was competent in the task, which I think made it easier to let go, but also Katannuta changed jobs so that took some of the intensity out of the situation. It was all in the open. In a way it was so embarrassing that we just had to do something about it'

K - 'I shared things I felt embarrassed about or ashamed of and wanted to change. I talked with the others in our team, or other friends who knew me well, or even straight to Satyaghandhi. I'd want to tell them because it helped my mental states become more "real" for me, particularly the uglier ones that I'd rather not have to admit to. Sharing my feelings of regret and shame about how I was behaving helped me to remember what I wanted to be like, and to be more committed to changing my negative states of mind. It also gave people the opportunity to ask me how I was getting on in my attempts to change, to help me when I was slipping, and to congratulate me when I was doing well. 

'A lot of the sorting-out between Satyaghadhi and me had this confessional element to them. There wasn't a sense of blame:"You did this or that." It was much more "This is what I brought to the situation and I'm sorry about it." That's how we were able to contain it in the team without it being a disaster. We both aspired to go beyond our limitations and were prepared to work at this. We also laughed at each other and ourselves.'

S - 'Throughout our time working together a lot of trust built up between us because we were able to admit to our own stuff. We could recognise that we were both practising the Dharma. I discovered quite early on that Katannuta has this great field of energy around her when she's in a bad mood that you can feel you can't get through. But I learned that if I were game enough to go through it, put my hands on her shoulders, or give her a hug, it all melted.'

K - 'Having someone who had the courage to reach right through my defences was huge for me.'

S- 'Forgiveness was easy for both of us because we both wanted to change and give each other the opportunity to do that. We have a similar type of energy. Neither of us felt good when we had these clashes. The way we moved beyond conflict was to take each other more into account in how we did things. We developed a sense of flexibility around each other, letting the other person have more what they wanted. Of course, if we started to do the same job together again we'd probably still argue, but it would be on a different basis.'

K - 'We learned to be much more aware of how we were putting ourselves across in relation to each other, but it also generalised out into how we related to other people. If someone is saying you're telling them what to do in a way they don't like, it makes you think about your communication with others as well. especially if the effect I'm having is not at all what I intend to by my choice of speech and language. We had a sharp learning curve in how we put ourselves across and how that affected each other.' ****

When asked if they'd consider working together again they both said - 'Oh yes'

K - 'We have a strong friendship now that would contain a conflict and resolve it.'


S - 'There's nothing wrong with conflict; it's how you resolve it that matters' ****

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All text in quotations have been taken from Padmasuri's book - Transforming Work, an experiment in Right Livelihood. Published by Windhorse Publications 2003.